You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
