Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
