It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
my poor anus
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
