based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
