im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
