I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
