he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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