Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Your penis caused this!
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