so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
