its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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