so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
