Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
