I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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