Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
