I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
