I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
