We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
