we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
