took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
