4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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