just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
