question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
