the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
