He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
