It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
