and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
