That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
