It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize