I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I won the penis lottery.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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