apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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