I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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