why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize