i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
