I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
