You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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