I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Non-Jews are for practice
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
