New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
