I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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