what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
