You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
