I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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