I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
