do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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