It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
