I like to think it a success when the cops are called
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
