why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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