I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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