ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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