I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize