Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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