Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
