actually, I'm a sock model
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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