My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
