There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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