there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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