She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
