the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
