let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
