Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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