Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
