I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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