You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
